OUT OF THE MAZE

Reflections on A Course in Miracles

by Celia Hales

 

PREFACE

This book was to have been a typical length.  But after 125 handwritten pages (to the page exactly) I seemed to have no need to say more.  I struggled, but nothing more came.  So here it is, a smallish book, not unlike those small books to which I have turned over the years for sustenance and meditation.

My lodestone is A Course in Miracles, the marvelous book scribed by Helen Schucman with the assistance of William Thetford in forming the publishable word.  The author?  Helen believed that it was Jesus himself, though she resisted some of his ideas mightily and never found in the Course the peace to which she had helped lead so many others.

I am one of those led to peace by Helen and her scribed words.  And just as this is a peace unlike anything my past would have predicted, so too do I hope that my rendering of the Course’s insight will help another.  Take nothing unto yourself that does not “fit.”  Interact with these pages and then turn to the Course itself for a broader view.  And may the happy dreams the Holy Spirit brings go with you.

 

CONTENTS

CONTENTS

PART 1:  THE EGO AND ITS MADNESS:  “IN SHALLOWS AND IN MISERIES” (John Keats)

Chapter 1:  A Projected Dream

Chapter 2:  Ego Battles

Chapter 3:  Attack and Innocence

Chapter 4:  We Live an Illusion

Chapter 5:  Not “Sin”–Just Mistakes

Chapter 6:  God Takes the Final Step

PART 2:   SPECIAL VS. HOLY RELATIONSHIPS:
“GROW OLD ALONG WITH ME; THE BEST IS YET TO BE” (Robert Browning)

Chapter 7:  We Are Not “Special”

Chapter 8:  Special vs. Holy Relationships

Chapter 9:  The Holy Relationship

Chapter 10: Living in the Light

PART 3:  GUIDANCE AND THE HOLY SPIRIT:
“THE HAPPY DREAMS THE HOLY SPIRIT BRINGS”
(A Course in Miracles)

Chapter 11: Walking the Way of the Course

Chapter 12: The Escape from Misery

Chapter 13: The Holy Spirit Sees Everyone Home

EPILOGUE:  RETURNING TO OUR SOURCE:  WORDS FAIL US
AS WE ARE AT HOME IN GOD

 

PART I: “IN UNCERTAINTIES, MYSTERIES, DOUBTS . . .” (KEATS): THE EGO AND ITS MADNESS – Chapter 1: Projected Dreams

Faith in the unreal makes that unreal seem true.  This sentence is the truth that my young adulthood taught me, a reality that I found written in A Course in Miracles when I was 34 and almost at the end of a 15-year life drama.  That illusion can seem true in every particularity is (echoing words said by Joseph Campbell) “my little theme song.”  It is also one of the themes of the Course.  My story in young adulthood was one of unrequited love, and I believed that the love was actually present though unacknowledged.  When we play out a myth over a very long period of time, the myth and the drama it provides for a life lacking in richness are answering questions, fulfilling needs in ourselves of which we may be only dimly aware.  The mind will provide a reason, even if that reason is just madness.  I write of illusion and the “reality” that seems to come forth, and it helps to explain the life that I see all around me, a life that I can understand in part because everybody’s story has elements in common with my own.

 

The Power of Belief

It is clear to me that the very belief itself creates the perceived conditions that would sustain the belief. A Course in Miracles says, “What you desire, you will see.  And if its reality is false, you will uphold it by not realizing all the adjustments you have introduced to make it so.” (T-21.II.9:5-6)

The Course repeats frequently that projection makes perception. (T-13.V.3:5; T-21.in..1:1)  Jesus assures that we see what we believe will bring us joy and happiness.  The fact that we often do not find joy and happiness, and instead find pain and suffering, should lead us to question our premises.  What are we doing wrong?  Or what have we done wrong in the past?  I don’t mean a strict interpretation of karma, but the Course makes clear that cause and effect are real. As Jesus says in the Course, the law of cause and effect is at work in our world as well as in Heaven. (T-2.VII.h) If we do not like what we see, it is up to us to change it by changing our thoughts and actions, those things that “cause” the “result” of unhappiness.  When we do make changes, even though in this world chaos rules, we learn that there must be a better way.  How to find it?  The Course counsels turning to our communication link with the Father, which is the Holy Spirit. (T-1.II.5:3)  Under His tutelage, we will stop looking for attack, giving evil when we perceive that we have received it.  We will learn to forgive, because even though we learn that this world is illusory, we realize that forgiveness works—it brings the happiness we seek!  Slowly (perhaps) but surely we will cleanse our minds and hearts, and with this cleansing will come new vision to see a new, sparkling, real world.  We will project from a heart that wishes to see good in all things, and wishing will make it so in our new perception.

If the world still seems just too awful, there is a solution, though it may sound a bit theoretical.  The Course recommends that we not deny our sight, but affirm the truth: that what we are seeing is unreal.  As others have said, it is all maya (illusion, though the Course does not use the term maya) and therefore can have no real effects, however painful the effects might seem to be.  This means that our “real” Self has not been harmed in any way.  In the awful circumstances that we view, there is a spiritual lesson that we are meant to learn.  As we contemplate the meaning underlying the events, and forgive the events, we will be freed to see the blessing in our circumstances.  And there is always a blessing, however deplorable the situation may be.  We need to take heed that we do not believe that the evil we see deserves retribution, for retaliation will bring the “evil” to us.  Retaliation proves that the circumstance, in our opinion, is real and merits a “just” response to even the score.  Actually by concentrating on the presumed evil, we are giving it more force, more power to hurt us.  Basically, the force field itself will be stronger because we are fighting it.  What ought we to do?  Go within and gently release the sense of frustration and anger.  We need to trust the Holy Spirit to open our hearts to forgive any and all deeds, however reprehensible they might be.  Since these deeds are illusion, they are in reality nothing at all; they are a mirage that en masse we have created to speed our way Home.

We may have chosen unwisely, though, when we concentrate on the suffering and therefore make it more real to ourselves.  If so, it behooves the wiser part of ourselves to choose again.  Lessons from pain and suffering are, at best, temporary and meant to be a catalyst for change to a better way.  It is the drawing of Love, felt through the Holy Spirit, that will finally take us Home.  With projections made of this Love, our perceptions will be cleansed, and a new world of light and life will meet us where we finally come to live.  This “new world” is the “real world,” (T-11.VII.2:6) and it  will yet be ours as a world formed by the happy dreams the Holy Spirit gives.

 

We Made the World

A difficult concept in the Course is the idea that we made the world; God created us, but we made (not “created”) the world.  The metaphysical explanation is that we are projecting an illusion, and no one doubts very strongly that she “projects” nocturnal dreams.  Seen in this light, it is a small step forward to consider that we do the same in our waking hours.  Only the form of the dream changes.  Even granted that we accept this, though, most of us, on some level, still think that we can derive knowledge of how to act in life from this projected dream.  If it is the ego’s projected dream, such a conclusion is patently false.  If it is the Holy Spirit’s dream, then we have a better basis on which to learn. The Course says that following the Holy Spirit is the “way out of hell” (M-29.3:11) for us.

Most of us, however, still do spend much time under the influence of our egos.  This attitude, though, ensures that we are looking at projections from within.  To take the projections of the ego as truth is to make an idol, to make a god, of something we made.  Is this really very different from melting down our gold and fashioning a sculpture of Baal, while our better way is being written for us on the mountaintop?  If we look to our idol–this world– to tell us how to act and what to do next, we are looking to a man-made god to save us.  Most of us would admit that nothing in this world has ever “saved” us for long.

When we are under the influence of the ego, we are under the influence of an insane idea.  It may coalesce our personalities, but we have given away all our real power.  We should not give away our power  under any circumstances.  It is only the power of our real minds, informed by the Holy Spirit, which can offer us any hope.  This is the promise held out by A Course in Miracles.  It is only one pathway, but its pathway has the power to get us out of all bad dreams.  It is one way, among thousands in this world, by which we can awaken.  And Jesus promises that this way will save time for us.  (T-2.II.3:8)  We are promised, each of us, to save a thousand years (as the world calculates time).  (W-pI.97.3:2)  And that represents many years for the millions of people still trapped by ego-tainted nightmares of pain.

 

Getting Back What We Give

A principal tenet in the Course is the assertion that what we would give to others is actually also given to ourselves.  This dynamic can be understood on more than one level.

In the most all-encompassing way, we are the other, because we are one in God.  We are all brothers and sisters under the skin.  So when we feel this kinship in our especially loving moments, we are seeing the truth.  In a second way of viewing, we see the playing out of the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. We see why this rule is important, the underlying truth that supports it. Because of projection, we will believe that what we think of others or do to others is being done to ourselves.  Jesus sees this whole world as illusory and in the great projection that made it, we see our real desires played out in our everyday dramas.  Thus, what we do unto others we do unto ourselves.  There is no greater truth, no more persuasive argument to treat our fellow human beings with kindness and love.  What we sow, we reap.  As Jesus says (in the negative), “Seek to deny and you will feel denied.  Seek to deprive, and you have been deprived.” (T-25.IX.8:2-3)

If we do not believe another worthy of forgiveness, we will not believe ourselves worthy either.  Having refused forgiveness for ourselves, we will never offer it freely.  So we have set up a vicious circle for ourselves.  The only way out of this vicious circle is reject conflict and ask for help and guidance from a Power greater than ourselves.  This Power—the Holy Spirit—will make it easy on ourselves.  We can effortlessly to forgive when we come to believe that the deed that we feel unworthy of forgiveness, has been illusory.  Our real Selves have not been touched nor harmed in any way.  Out real life has continued unabated.

Only a loving God could come up with such a solution.  We would have already destroyed ourselves if our deeds had real consequences.  We live in an illusion that allows all choice, but at the same time that saves us from ourselves.  And through these means we learn, finally, what is truly real and of value, worthy of further extension in Reality.

There is an old saying that when one points a finger at another, there are three fingers pointing back at us.  Make a fist, point the index finger, and immediately this saying can be seen as obviously true.  The Course’s version of this old ego dynamic is “It is as certain you will fear what you attack as it is sure that you will love what you perceive as sinless.” (T-23.intro.2:4)  Somehow we believe the old karmic truth, that if we attack, we will be attacked in return.  But the glorious opposite is also true: See innocence and sinlessness, and these too will become our own.

Because all seeing is projection, in the view of the Course, we can understand that all projection makes perception.  What we are seeing is a dream projected outward, and the world becomes cruel or kind based on our inner life.  Even the worst of “sin” can be seen as unreal (being a dream), and as the Course counsels, we can say, “My brother, choose again.” (T-31.VIII.3:2)

All of us have had moments, perhaps fleeting, when God seemed in His Heaven, and all was right with our little world.  These moments of peace can be expanded more and more to all our hours, waking and sleeping.  All of our dreams can become benign. This happens when the truth that we are dreaming our world sinks in, helping us to see that what we wish is based either on turmoil or calm, the peace of God within.  There is, therefore, really nothing to “forgive,” but we do need the exercise of forgiveness for ourselves (not God).   It is only as we forgive that we come to see that there is nothing to forgive.  No one blames a loved one who acts in psychosis to perpetuate harm; we know that she is sick.  Likewise are we insane, all together, even when not diagnosed as mentally ill.  We all are trying to bring greater and greater areas of sanity to our deluded minds.

 

Proof that Projection Makes Perception

Never tell someone who has lived through a full-blown psychosis that projection does not make perception.  He knows it does.  The whispered voices (so real at the time), the images “out there” that appear but are not really there–all these become his own, and more.

I once had a friend who saw her mother enter a room wearing a black dress.  My friend knew at the time that her mother was not “really” wearing a black dress, but the day was filled with the surprises of psychosis, and she went with the flow.  Much later, with perceptions part of the mass hallucination once again, my friend confirmed with her mother that the image had been false.

Because my friend dislodged herself from the mass hallucination, she is better prepared to see that she is, normally, hallucinating on a grand scale, along with everyone else currently in his “sane” mind.  Of course, students of A Course in Miracles know it is not really sanity that we all experience, but madness, in seeing a chaotic world. (T-25.VII.3:2)  The Course says, “If you behold disaster and catastrophe, you tried to crucify him [the Son of God, your real Self].  If you see holiness and hope, you joined the Will of God to set him free.” (T-21.in.2:3-4)

Think about this a moment.  When you are at peace with the world, experiencing a “holy instant” of love and hope, is there really anything that can upset you?  However fierce the perception appears, you know that the world and all beings in it are in God’s hands.  How wonderful it would be to extend this thought to all our waking moments!

 

Chapter 2: Ego Battles

It has been hard for me to let go of egotistical striving. I was reared, as I am sure many of us were, to equate “success” with ego games–to equate the “good life” with having achieved.  Part of me has always believed that actually “dropping out” was the way to go, and at various points in my life I have done just that, but never for very long.  I enjoyed these respites, but ultimately I rejoined the success trap and sought in my everyday life and profession (especially profession) to achieve success because I knew that this had gotten me kudos as a child.  Getting good grades was always highly regarded, and as a first and only child, this type of commendation was taken to heart in a big way.

When I discovered A Course in Miracles, I began to realize, as I read, that the egotistical striving that I was doing to “deserve” love, and my belief that only if I were successful would I have God’s stamp of approval, were just myths.  Yet a part of me still wanted to strive, because, I told myself, what if I would come to regret a slowdown in the future?  In my own case, library administration was my bugaboo.  This is where the money is in librarianship, my profession, but more importantly, this also signals “success” in the eyes of my colleagues in my chosen field.  What if I did not pursue this, and later felt sorry?  The fact that I had not sufficient intrinsic interest in the responsibility that this would entail, or in the antagonism that I would likely incur from my subordinates (whom I would be evaluating) did not dissuade me, at least for a long time.

This period of indecision lasted fully 15 years.  Once in a workshop that was boring, I wrote out five or six pages of reasons (pro and con) that I was considering for my next direction.  Later, I destroyed the pages in an attempt not to be sucked back into this quagmire.

As the years were passing, I dropped big hints to my supervisors that I did not want to be considered administrative material.  I said “no” before I might be asked.  The fact that I was not asked (until later on) seemed only a minor point; in my egotism, I felt that I would be if I expressed interest.  And I did not want to be faced with something that I might have trouble declining.  I see the wiliness of the ego even in my indecision.

Later on I was asked.  And it was largely a disaster that lasted scarcely two months, ending with me in a frazzle, resigning because my temperament rebelled.  So, all along, my real self had been trying to get through to say that this particular pathway was not for me.  I am a slow learner; it took trying it out to realize that my doubts (conscious and subconscious) knew best all along.

 

Letting the Ego Wither Away

The Course says at one pivotal point, “This is a crucial period in this course, for here the separation of you and the ego must be made complete.” (T-22.II.6:1)

It is easier to let conflict die if one realizes that it is an emotion always of the ego.  At base, the ego is fighting against God, flailing about in desperation because the world it has created in illusion is not good enough for it.  And never could it be.  Built on chaos, only chaos can ensue.  But the ego cannot find its way out, because the only way for us to make our way to peace is to disown this hated part of ourselves, this insatiable ego–never satisfied, never content.

This is when the real “I” must come into play.  We cannot fight the ego and win, because it grows stronger in strife.  But we can quietly withdraw strength from the ego by failing to reinforce it in every situation that cries out “me first.”  We can, over time, with care, see the ego just wither away.  Jesus promises that though this feels like a death (because we are so closely identified with the goals of success, wealth, and materialism), we will actually find peace for the first time.  We will know calm in the midst of any earthly storm in which we find ourselves.

The ego is not ourselves–that is the simple truth that in our ignorance we find so hard to accept.  The quiet Self at the center of our being waits patiently for us to tire of our childish games, and tire we will once we see that never do they bring us what in our deepest heart of hearts we really want.  In that deep place God dwells, and He would not be overthrown by a will ‘o wisp of insanity.  The ego is pitted in a struggle that it can never win.  The Course says, “Do you not realize a war against yourself would be a war on God?  Is victory conceivable?  And if it were, is this a victory that you would want?” (T-23.I.2:1-3)

If you have read this far, you are not so hostile to God that you blame Him for all the evil and suffering in your world and on the earth in general.  We have only ourselves to blame for creating a drama that doesn’t work because the mind that created it is in a merciless war against itself.  We must lay down our arms, and realize in the depths of our Being that there must be another way to look at our world, another way to live.

As we have seen, the Course presents this world as a place of madness, full of violence and cruelty, projected from our own deluded minds. This world is therefore illusion, but we do not need to blame God for what we see, for this world is Heaven’s opposite (T-16.V.3:6)  Even the food chain is based on a raw violence, and Jesus would say that we do God a disservice when we blindly dismiss the cruelty as “Nature’s ways.”  The Course presents the world as an attack on God, meant to keep Him out and to keep the separation going.  By projecting blame onto God, the ego does a good job at ensuring that we will continue to turn to it as our savior rather than to God.  That this is patent magic, madness in the extreme, may not dawn on us until the pain of what we project becomes overwhelming.  And even then we may blame God for our predicament.

The ego’s thought system is perfectly logical from within the thought system, as are most delusions.  It is only the premises that are wrong, sending its world crashing down like a house of cards.  From within our mind, it makes perfect sense.  Madness is not illogical, though those in psychosis appear to the rational mind to be out of touch with reality.  An all-embracing madness is just what has happened on a grand scale in our world, ruled by everyone’s ego.   I once had a professor remark that everyone in mental hospitals thought that it was “we”—the ones outside of the hospital—who are “crazy.”  He said, “What if they are right?”

Unknowingly, my professor presaged the Course a number of years before it was written.  The Course does not say that our diagnosed mentally ill are actually sane, and we usually recognize that they are not.   What may be happening, though, is that they are imperfectly seeing reality from another lens. This “other lens” may allow them to be particularly open to revelation.  Certainly  writers have drawn parallels between the schizophrenic mind and the mystic one.  Both are swimming in the waters of their depths, the subconscious mind, but the schizophrenic may be drowning in it.  The mystic, on the other hand, swims easily.  This analogy is drawn from the writings of Joseph Campbell, an individual who has brought the myths of the ages home to all of us through writings that speak to our time.  The Course would extend the definition of insanity to most of us in the world, most who are only partially sane, most who have only glimpses of true reality.

What has the ego-tainted world really exemplified?  Only one truth: that the Son (and Daughter) of God is at war with God.  If we understood God more, we would know that this is a condition too ridiculous to be believed.  The Course says, “The Son of God at war with his Creator is a condition as ridiculous as nature roaring at the wind in anger, proclaiming it is part of itself no more.”  (T-23.I.4:7)  In our creation, God shared His Mind with us.  That is why there can never be a conflict between His Will and our real will.  It is only in an illusory world that we believe that to follow God’s will is to lose our freedom. Actually the reverse is the truth: to follow the ego’s madness is to head into chaos that always, in the end, leads to pain.  A harmonious universe is impossible under these conditions.  Pain begets more pain, assuring that at some point we will turn and say, “Enough!”

The awful pathway is, of course, so unnecessary.  Jesus says that we do not have to learn through pain.  We can recognize a better way, and in our moments of greater sanity, walk that pathway a few steps closer to Awakening.